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In college, Ally Sega lived with her girlfriend and wrote papers on gay/lesbian issues. She was way out of the closet.
After graduation, she found work at a day care center. A coworker said she "didn't like gay people, period," Sega recalls. "It was my first job, and I really wanted to do well. That scared me into the closet."
Like many 20-something gays and lesbians, Sega faced a predicament unique in American history: Out in college, she felt she must retreat into the closet once she started her working life.
Hiding her sexuality took a toll. Sega's personal life grew miserable, and she split with her girlfriend. Unhappy at work, she quit her job.
"Being in the closet was a huge part of the reason," Sega says. "I wasn't friends with anyone there, and I realized I couldn't be." She now works at a hospital, where for the first four years "everyone knew who I was dating."
Last spring, however, Sega was told her "lifestyle choices" made people uncomfortable. Told not to discuss her sexuality, she re-closeted herself. Sega is now job hunting and vows never to hide her sexual orientation again.
In vs. Out at Work
Luke Gilleran, a psychotherapist who works with gays and lesbians, recognizes this new level of stress. "When I was younger, work wasn't a place where people come out," he says. "In fact, it was assumed people were in the closet at work. Now, people come out a decade earlier than they used to. So they're already out before they enter the workforce. The earlier you come out, the more out you tend to be in all aspects of life."
But in the workplace, which can lag behind other parts of society, being out may not be as easy as it was in school. At the same time, "there is stress involved in being in the closet," Gilleran says. "At work, you can't concentrate as well. You hide who you are, and even at company social functions you can't open up."
For people who came out earlier in life, those stresses can be magnified. "You've already tasted freedom and learned to be confident and true," Gilleran says. These gay/lesbian workers may have to decide whether being in the closet is worth it to keep their job. "Sometimes it is," he says. "People don't always need to know you're gay. Like all of life, it's a balancing act."
Chris Saldana knows this firsthand. Out in college, he "butched it up" while applying for his first job as a marketing research director. When an interviewer asked if he was married, he said he was engaged.
Six months later, Saldana became a television station's weekend anchorman. To stop getting emails from viewers hoping to set him up with women, he wore a wedding band. Moving to a bigger city -- El Paso -- he felt more comfortable with himself. Saldana now lives in Las Vegas and is fully out.
Deciding on Workplace Disclosure
Gilleran says the coming-out process is neither a one-time nor a linear event. "It's an ebb and flow," he explains. "You're constantly assessing if it makes sense to be out."
Even if you were out in college, "look at the reasons for coming out," Gilleran advises. "Are they healthy or not? Look at your belief system, and examine your decision making. You could go in the closet for a legitimate reason, like bias or losing your job. But if you go in because of general fear or internalized homophobia, that's something you need to work on."
As for young, out gays/lesbians looking for their first job, Saldana says: "I'm torn. I want to say 'yeah, go for it regardless, don't worry' -- but applying for your first job is important, and it can be scary." He advocates a long-term approach that doesn't necessarily involve immediate disclosure. "Know that eventually you can be who you are. If you prove yourself professionally, down the line your personal life won't be an issue."
Sega's advice? "Try to find a place that's right for you. Jobs are not a dime a dozen, but there are enough out there to find the right environment."
